Ageing.

When I wear makeup people say either that I look older, or that I look like a ballerina: not sure what's best. And when I don't wear any and tie my hair the most rapid way, I tend to look like just I barely passed voting age. 

This had to change! Not that I want to look older, but I want to look like a woman, not just like a student (which I'm not anymore, and had a lot of advantages when going to the cinema of visiting a museum).

First of all I was barely able to put on makeup. Yeah, I know, nobody taught me and honestly watching at videos online didn't really help (have you ever tried putting on a straight line of eyeliner while watching a video and trying to stop that damn video because she's already putting on lipstick while you're still struggling on your eyes?). Let's call that technical problems. 

Other despairing fact, I just didn't have time. But now I have time to learn and practice.

That's how I got to these short courses to improve my 'personal image' (that's how it's called, I didn't invent anything like that myself ;). That was all about make-up and colours, and that was awesome! If you're in Bordeaux, I highly recommend you go see Laura. 

I won't say I can put on make-up perfectly and quickly now, but at least in theory I know how to look more natural while still wearing make-up! It's only a matter of colours!

Anyway, ageing. As I see friends around me getting married, buying houses, having kids... (yeah, usually in that order) I now acknowledge that we are getting older even before I could realize it. My boyfriend is blowing his 30th candles in 5 days now, and even if we don't really care about age, I can see this is embarrassing him a little. The fact that I'm writing that blog about all the things I would want to do before I'm 30 probably also mean I unconsciously care.

This is now the time when big screen movie actors are about my age, and that TV show ones tend to be slightly younger... We still have a bit of time until we can get scared we get in the age of presidential candidates, but we'll have to make sure they don't get younger over time.

About presidential candidates, I also wanted to update my dear non-french friends that didn't seem that concerned by our election time on the french presidential elections. Well, I understand, politics can be both boring and tabou. Anyway, 80% of the population voted on April 22nd! 1.92% of the votes have been considered spoilt or null votes. François Hollande got 28.63% of the votes, Nicolas Sarkozy 27.18%, Marine Le Pen 17.90% (just click on the link to have a scary view at the picture), Jean-Luc Melenchon 11.10%, François Bayrou 9.13%, Eva Joly 2.31%, Nicolas Dupont-Aignan 1.79%, Philippe Poutou 1.15%, Nathalie Arthaud 0.56% and Jacques Cheminade 0.25%. Hollande and Sarkozy are now trying to seduce everyone that kinda is on their political side, and by that I only mean left and right. I find that seduction part really gross and ridiculous, as they try to make people that obviously don't think like them, believe that they can be part of their "new" program. Really strange things happen here that can no more be called seduction but more political prostitution. It sounds like the parliamentary elections are gonna be as 'fun' as the presidential ones!

This link above (on Nicolas Sarkozy) as well as this one actually deserve a closer look. Sorry, these are from the only english source I could find.

Now let's make a teaser of what's gonna happen next in that blog... 

First of all, things didn't go the way I planned them when I came back to Toronto. The woman at the immigration was hard to convinced that I could support myself for 3 months so she gave me a tourist permit that expires exactly on July 4th and by that date I have to have left the country and officially came say good by to her at the immigration service. That compromises a little the rest of my plans as I now either have to find a job really quick in Toronto, ask for a work permit and stay in Canada, or leave the country for an unknown amount of time, as next time, that charming lady at the immigration office is gonna send me right back to France without even taking the time to know me. Which means I'm looking for a job right now... well, I am looking but let say I will truly start around May 15th as I have other plans for now. 

But you'll be asking, what are you doing right now?

I am back in the training process, unfortunately not for the NY marathon, as they didn't pick my name in the draw, but for my own sake and for probably a run or two during the spring/summer. 

And I'm doing a lot of Fimo stuff... that you'll see in a coming post. 

I've also been reviewing my own articles... My PhD paper has finally come back from review and is ready to be re-submitted pretty soon! The paper from my collaboration in Toronto has also been submitted... To be continued!

And because I don't know where I'm gonna be in 2 months, I cannot really plan any other thing like hiking on the Kilimanjaro or camping in Hawaii or even less, that trip to Vancouver and Banff that we've been talking about for a while. 

For now, I'm actively preparing for a special long day: May 5th, as this is the wedding day of dear friends of us in Toronto, but also that wedding where we are official wedding photographers! They were hard to convinced (still are a bit dubious I think), but now that the contract is signed I'm getting nervous. Do we really have the capabilities for that? Are we gonna be able to take nice pictures under pressure? The ceremony only lasts 15min, the shooting time with friends and family plus the newly weds alone only 45min, it's in the middle of Toronto in a busy district and this is a wedding! You can't mess up photography at a wedding, that's supposed to be the most beautiful day of their life, they planned it for so long and they won't probably do it again. I am both really excited, and panicked! Anyway, I'm studying to be a better photographer that day. There is probably gonna be a post about how we performed that day.

I'm learning from that book.

Exercise my right to vote.

Before I'm 30, and for the third time now, I have the right to elect the new (or not since our actual president is offering his service for an other 5 years if the french population still wants of him) french president.

There are 10 days left until the first round. As I am in Canada, I choose and I trust my mom to put the appropriate paper in the urn on voting day. I was in Canada when the presidential campaign started and I have to admit that I didn't follow carefully what happened then. Well, when I ask people around me they all either tell that nothing memorable happened, or that they just played fool around and with each other... what a great instructive time I missed! Anyway, I had just a couple of weeks to make my decision, the first round is on the 22nd of April. There are 10 presidential candidates.

I followed a bit the designation of these candidates and they gave a lot of details about the 500 signatures that they have to gather to be candidate. There are almost 37,000 town in France which the maire is able to give his signature to one candidate. It is not anonymous, although it has been requested to become anonymous. On the 22nd of April, if a candidate gets more than 50% of the votes he/she is elected right away, if none gets 50% (never happened since it was established in 1962) then the two candidates with the highest percentage fight for a second round. Whoever wins the second round is the french president for 5 years. Before 1962 the french president was elected by the Parliament.

Here is an instructive view of left and right hand side political ideas.

Taken from landofthefreeish.com.

There are 10 candidates.
Now who are they? I'll describe them in alphabetical order, to be fair (they usually appear in order of popularity in the media, but this honestly changes everyday and depends on the source). And I'll describe them in three ways:

1/ their private life (I was tempted to say "north-american way");

2/ the political way (I won't say the european-way because it would be incorrect, but you get the idea);

3/ quick description of what captured my mind when I watched their campaign video. I'll be the average french person, that has at least once heard the candidates on TV, has an idea of what Equality, Liberty and Fraternity means, and I would have loved to get a deeper look into the booklet they provide a few weeks before the elections, but I'll stick with the video clips, as they were not in my mailbox the day I flew back to Toronto. It's very hard to be objective watching their clip, because the videos are not produced with the same budget and do not reflect the same idea. The form as well as the content makes a huge difference, but one think they all agree on is the word TALENT or GENIUS and also EFFORTS: these will solve all of the french problems, the people talents are gonna be used extensively, they really have a great way of making us feel appreciated! They also share (in speech anyway) the same big direction for when they'll become president: work on production, economy and education. I think this clip is both good advertisement and dangerous to them because everybody knows they prepared a lot for these few minutes in direct talk to the people, but they have to be very careful into what they say and how they say it. I personally think most of them did a pretty good job.

Nathalie Arthaud. 1/ 42, she is an economy and management teacher.

2/ Candidate for Lutte Ouvrière (Worker's Struggle), she is spokesman of that party after Arlette Laguiller (she has been candidate for the presidential elections every time since 1974). 

3/ In her video clip she speaks to the workers and to "everyone whose activity is usefull for our society" (seriously?). She recites with very good facial expressions a long-winded speech on shareholders and all the money they gather just sitting there and twiddling their thumbs. She denounces unemployment as being an arm of blackmailing used by bosses to make workers accept their working conditions and low salaries. Her first battle is against unemployment.  

François Bayrou. 1/ 60, married for 31 years, he has 6 children and a few grand-children. He studied literature and wrote a couple of History and politic books.

2/ leader of the MODEM (Democrat Movement); which is considered a right-hand/centre party, clearly separated from the UMP in 2007. He has been multiple times deputy and head of governmental department of Education. During the last presidential elections in 2007 he was third on the first round with 18.57%.

3/ In his clip, he says "US" and speaks about getting out of the country depts. His solution to the education and unemployment problem: make kids like school. He wants to "moralize public life, so we can all be proud". And to conclude his speech, with him we'll find back HOPE. Hope? Seriously?

Jacques Cheminade. 1/ 70, he was born in Argentina, he is both French and Argentinian. I couldn't find much on his private life.

2/ Leader of the left-hand Gaullist party Solidarity and Progress. He was candidate to the presidential elections in 1995, where he collected 0.27% of all the votes. His party claims that the best thing for France is to be out of the European Union, out of the Euro zone, out of the IMF and of NATO. In his program he describes his will to colonize the Moon and Mars.

3/ In his very short video he shows an old interview of himself from 1995 saying he saw the economy crisis coming, and no-one believed him. After what he says he is not vain. He wants "us to fight for this politics and, the rest is just like chatting on the deck of the Titanic, sailing towards the iceberg."

Nicolas Dupont-Aignan. 1/ 51, married, he has two daughters. 

2/ He studied politics and is a long time activist of the right hand party, he left the UMP party in 2007. Leader of Stand Up Republic (Debout Republique), a right hand side party with republican gaullist ideas, against capitalism and for total independence of France.

3/ His difference from the democrats: he has always believed in Charles de Gaulle's ideas. "The governments fake in governing, they have abandoned the power, they gave it to Bruxelles (Europe), to the financial markets". The european treaties are the origin of our decline. "Either we align our salaries to human slavery in China, or we apply a smart protectionism against the countries that do not respect the rules." He finishes with a metaphor: "Today we may be smaller than the others but our tree is growing straighter than others and he is rooted in the freedom of our country." (it reminds me of my childhood, that day when we celebrated the republic by planting a tree of liberty, wearing the french rosette).

Democracy should serve general interest.

François Hollande. 1/ 57, he has a sad long face (Snoopy like), he has been elected candidate of the socialist party this year because Dominic Strauss Kahn screwed up big time in May and this time François' ex-girlfriend has not been more popular than him (Ségolène, whom he had 4 kids with, lost against Nicolas 5 years ago at the second round).

2/ Lawyer, he joined the PS (Socialist Party) in 1979, and has been maire, deputy and first secretary of the left hand party. He still defends the PS' colors today. He has been elected to conduct the PS' elections against Martine Aubry.

3/ In his video, there are all the facettes of France that scroll during his speech. You mostly see french people, our trumps, our talents, our troubles. You only see him briefly screaming his goals at a meeting, for "The France of Transformation!".

Eva Joly. 1/ 68, she looks old (white hair, wrinkles), a bit hippy (white messy hair), she is a strong ecofriendly militant. She was born both Norvegian (at 18 she was elected third rank to Miss Norway) and French. Married to a medical doctor (who took his life in 2001), she has 2 kids, made law school and politics studies.

2/ As a judge, in France and then back in Norway and in Iceland, she fought against corruption. She has been elected (against Nicolas Hulot, a popular TV show presenter) leader of the Green party to be their candidate for this year election. She is more of a democrat.

3/ So cute... she writes a letter to "Her dear France": "Dear France, for 5 years now I'm hurt seeing you disfigured from division, damaged from lies and corruption, threatened from pollutions that destroy our health." Ecology is the answer to everything: economy crisis, environmental crisis, unemployment and the country unity. Europe is the future, she proposes new treaties to build it federal and solidary.

Marine Le Pen. 1/ 43, married and divorced twice, she has 3 kids from her first marriage. Her boyfriend is now also a high person in the FN (Front National) party.

2/ Lawyer, she has always been a strong figure in the FN party, extreme right party, founded in 1972 by her father Jean-Marie Le Pen. He has been candidate to the french presidency in 1974, 1988, 1995, 2002 (he goes to the second round that year) and 2007. She has been elected as European deputy in 2004 and again in 2009. She barely made to the 500 signatures, and she wants french to be the new international scientific language. She is pro-life, pro-family, anti-immigration.

3/ In her clip, she has the tone of an evangelist minister on Easter day, joyful and come to announce the holly words. She mostly criticize vehemently the other candidates and how they allowed France to decay inside Europe: she wants a french Europe. With her, France would leave NATO, the military service would be back to mandatory for both boys and girls and the french flag would float all the time on every public building. 

While she speaks about a coming back of pride, Mélenchon talks about a coming back of dignity. 

Jean-Luc Mélenchon. 1/ 60, he was born in what used to be a french protectorate in Morocco. Married and divorced once, he has a daughter. He has a bachelor in philosophy, but has practiced a multiple of different jobs from drawer in a catholic journal, to teacher or journalist.

2/ Leader of the Left Front. He used to belong to the left hand side of the socialist party, that he left in 2008 to avoid having to make concessions with the the democrats. He is a european deputy since 2009. A lot of non Left Front anti-liberal fans support his candidature. 

3/ He goes directly with numbers. He will raise the minimum salary from 1,097 to 1,700€ and make the highest salary in a compagnie no more than 20 times the lowest salary, with a maximum of 360,000€. He is for the split of richness: "there is money, we just need to make it serving all". "Take the power, vote Jean-Luc Mélenchon."

Philippe Poutou. 1/ 45, without any diploma he has works in a couple of different precarious jobs. He now works in a car factory Ford.

2/ He has long been an activist in the Worker's Struggle party, from which he got expelled in 1995 for difference of political opinion. Him and a fraction of Worker's Struggle party joined the LCR Ligue Communiste Révolutionnaire (Revolutionary Communist League) party. This party became the New Anticapitalist party in 2009. After Olivier Besancenot (who got 4.08% of the votes in 2007), Poutou was elected new presidential candidate of the extreme left party. 

3/ In his video you can see him walking in a riot, supporting a strike. He criticizes UMP and PS parties. He wants to enforce a different distribution of wealth and challenge the power of capitalism on our economy. His catchword: "Against Sarkozy, not trusting Hollande."

Nicolas Sarkozy. 1/ 57, he is small, dark hairs, his ancestors were hungarian. He has 4 kids from 3 different wives, and he is currently married to a 44 years old italian singer/model with whom he just got a little girl Giulia. He is a runner (sometimes he faints and the whole country wavers) and the french president since May 2007.

2/ Leader of the right hand party UMP (Union for the Popular Movement), he is a republican. He is the actual leader of our nation, but as is it must be difficult for him to justify his candidature in the middle of the crisis he saw happening. He cannot criticize his own actions and he cannot say he is the candidate making a change.

3/ In his video, we see Nicolas, speaking, but also converse publicly with his fellow citizens. It's a rare video I see Sarkozy talk slowly and carefully, his words are weighted. He still has a few punctuation problems, but overall he speaks like a politician (that's noticeable even more that it's not always the case), but he speaks so much that you don't listen at the end, it's slow and smooth, no picture, just reciting his carefully written and read text, you almost feel asleep. He says he is creating a strong France, he needs US to build it.

I did not detailed deeply the way they say they'll use to achieve their purpose once elected, you would have seen some raising the income taxes, others reducing them... deport (or not) immigrants and a few reforms in the education program or in the retirement plans. Plus, once elected, the french people has to vote for the National Assembly of France. The president doesn't have all the rights in terms of making decisions, but he can participate, and provide ideas ;)

Because there are only 10 days left, the candidates keep repeating their programs again and again, and they keep throwing a wrench in each other's work, the media do not have much interesting things to write about, so they find unusual ways of describing the candidates. I found a psychological analysis of the 6 main candidates. How about that? they find embarrassing that certain candidates do not have any rage, ambition or hierarchic domination envy, they find disturbing that others are remarkably calm in public, but a complex mind seems to suit whoever did this psychological analysis, he wants disturbed feelings and tortured thoughts. The optimal candidate need to make people dream... I don't think we're there today, at least most of the population doesn't want to dream, they just want to see problem solved! Our shrink wants charisma, I think I just want good presentation. And most of all, that makes me sick (got to be cautious when I say that, last time I really got sick...) when they talk about their family history to explain the candidate's way of exposing himself into the election process.

And today, they were asked about their favourite TV show... Is that supposed to make me feel good that Sarkozy likes to watch Dexter? That Sarkozy and Hollande spend their Saturday evening watching The Voice (french version)? what shall I think about Bayrou loving horses shows? or should that scare me that Mélenchon confesses he doesn't have much time to watch TV?

You can also search at home and guess from this study if you are more of a right or of a left hand kind of guy, what brand has more of a socialist or a democrat image?

At the end of that post, I have to admit that I learnt a lot writing it! I still think my choice is done, but if I could take a bit of one and instill it into an other, or mix a couple of them together, I think I would be more satisfied. But we only get to choose one! well, maybe two if the one we vote for on the first round doesn't make it to the second round... in that case, either you have to follow your guts, whatever they tell you, or you can follow what your first choice candidate would want you to vote for. We're not there yet, let's just see what happens!
If you feel like it, do not hesitate to give me your opinion on who you would vote for, and why. Or why not. I have a few friends that make me feel that us, poor people who don't understand much in politics, should rather not vote. Should we go back to an indirect presidential election?

And, most of all, if you want to give additional informations on the candidates, please do so! I certainly did a very quick job here, I'm sure they deserve a lot more of attention.

Digging into the past.

These are weird thing as memories. I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine before going back to France, about what a memory is (by the way, you should write a blog Thom because you are knowledgable and every time I speak with you I fell wiser, otherwise I'll be the one posting about your interesting ideas).

Memory is subjective, it's imagination, it's the idea, the feeling that you (and only yourself) had at a specific moment, in a special place, in unusual circumstances. To me, the best example is that picture of you climbing that mountain when you were 3. Do you remember being there? Do you remember how much you swear because it was hard to climb? Or do you just remember the picture, the story that you've build around it. That picture that you've seen so many times, you don't remember if you have a memory of the picture itself or of the moment it represent.  You end up merging imagination with a bunch of memories to reality.

Anyway, this is now a good time for me to write a post on memories as I have my head and hands into my childhood bedroom and closet: I'm literally digging into my past. I was expecting it to be in some kind of chronological order, but this is just random and would confuse any archeologist. It's unbelievable the things you can find in there. From dairy, love letters to pictures, old books, old toys... I love being in that stage where I go across what used to be your life: it's both sad and joyful.

First thing I found, my medals! I used to make gymnastic competitions when I was in 7th and 8th grade. I also used to love that pink jersey ;) Well, I remember very well that part, especially every morning and night when my back hurts. But I love that sport!

To describe the scene, this is in the middle of piles of perfume adds (I was addicted to advertisements... not perfume) that I found pictures of baby me, of me doing gymnastic, of my old friends. All these pictures where I was 10kg bigger (most of it was in my cheeks I think). I was a different person. I went trough pictures from a trip in Italy in 2003 with 5 high-school friends and that reminded me of that Truth/Action game we played on night, where one of the guy told me that I didn't have any sex-appeal... At that time he didn't even break my heart because I had no idea of what that meant :s

It has also been a long, painful and thoughtful moment when I went across two of my dearest old friends pictures and letters. In Eat, Pray and Love, she (Elizabeth Gilbert) calls them Soulmates. These persons that just happened to be in your way, at one point of your life. You share something incredible with them, and they give you something you really needed at that moment, and then disappear (they just continue their own life in a dimension that doesn't include yours anymore). I found them being more and more selfish, cruel to me. Them going away she says, hurts you a lot and makes you feel empty. That's how I felt at that time, and even 10 years after, I still have this emptiness when I think of them (you don't need names, you get the idea, and I'm sure you got your own). Loosing them made me both weaker and stronger. I'm not sure of what I'll do in the case where I met them again. I got so much love, then so much hate against them, that I hope now disinterest is my state towards them. I keep thinking they'll probably be sad I didn't become the person they'd wish I became, but on the other hand I'm happy and I don't really care. But me getting back into these letters and pictures of what used to be those I used to love, was a great step as I realize I would not love them as much today. I've changed but I kept thinking of the good part of them. Now it's ok, I understand why they are gone, and that's for good.

Anyway, they participated in who I am right now, and I'm thankful for that. One of them brought me a strong friendship, spirituality and simplicity, when I was confused. The other one brought me fantasy, utopia, nonconformity, too much love and a bit of craziness. They gave me my hint of philosophy and my love for writing. 

I don't know if they left because I took the best of them to evolve myself or if I just unconsciously let them go because I didn't need them anymore. Anyway, sometimes I realize that I do things because they once lead me on that path.I don't know what I brought to them but I bet you they have a very different memory of that time, compare to how I remember it!

In the middle of my high-school textbooks, I also find music CD! Do you remember Boyzone? These 5 irish guys, in the mid 90's? So gooood (hurm, only one or two songs... this is too girly/teenager/soapy to me now)! But listening to them this afternoon brought very good memories, my first travels, my first love, my bitchy friends... and helped diluting this out. It was delightful to hear that boys-band music to clean up your old bedroom and hidden memories! Of course you remember the lyrics by heart... :s even 17 years after! "Let start a brand new story now!" so they say!

But I need to get my head out of all this old-scary-me world, it's gonna make me sick. Time to move on, and come back to Toronto!

And just to improve your french and the idea of what it was to grow up in the 90's:

Bref j'ai grandi dans les années 90.