The Summer made me younger, but the Fall took it all.

I've been invited to participate in a photo challenge about Gourmandise. France is probably the best place to be gourmand (I've already explained that idea of gourmandise, which I would translate as state of non-restriction in front of yumminess and good food, in a previous post). To make sure I got the perfect picture, I went to a couple of bakery and catering places and picked up a few nice, tasty and delicate cakes (I didn't eat them all, but shared them with my host family). Anyway, here is the picture. And yes, it's photoshopped.

If you think this is a good one and is worth publication, please vote for it on this link, make your friends, family, neighbors vote for it too!
Speaking of publication, I was finally able to celebrate the publication of the paper from my PhD!! Direct link to its Pubmed page.

Besides being an infinite catalog for photo inspiration, I re-discovered the country I was born and raised in. I've lived in different countries, I loved living in Sweden or in Canada, but there's nowhere similar to France. As one of my friend said, for us (we are both born in France) everything here is so smooth, so easy, so natural. There are tones of things that are completely irrational, cities that are dirty, people that are crazier/stupider than anywhere else but we share a common culture, language, state of mind, humor: there is a connection that facilitates the communication. At the same time it's like I moved to an unknown country and also as if I moved back to my home country.
Because I focused on the bad side of France and french people lately, I will add that it was very unexpected for me... to like it so much! I fell in love here.

I fell in love with Bayonne and the Basque Country... It's so beautiful and I met very kind, interesting, diverse and motivating people.
That leads me to describe a little bit my 3 months experience in France. I came back because of the immigration system in Canada. It was supposed to be for 2 months, but I got a summer job for 3. I stayed! I was depressed to leave Canada and my life there. I almost didn't take my ticket back to Toronto!

In the past three months, the Olympic Games took me a lot of time! Let say sport in general took me a lot of time since I've been working in a French sport store (http://www.decathlon.fr/), and preparing (oh I'm still so behind my program!) my second half-marathon. I've had a very entertaining training: from running on the sand to hiking or doing splits up and down hills. But best, I've been doing long distance run on the Atlantic shore... and that is incomparable to any other run.

Most of all, I enjoyed working full time as a vendor in a sport store. I've never ever worked in sales before, I discovered how to manage stocks, how to expose products and how to deal with clients! Clients were the best part. Oh these clients; I saw all kinds: from tourists (French, Parisian, Dutch, Spanish...), to angry and stressed mom, but also happy runners, injured runners, over-seventy runners, old lady (often the nicest client of the day...), to 10 year old who want to be a great sprinter. I also got the angry-against-life teenager, the friendly winner of the local trail race but I missed the famous actor and famous football player... To sum it up, I'll say that it was pleasant to give advice, to give my opinion on running shoes, to help people run injure-free, and I'll be happy to do it again, maybe not all my life.. I miss science.

And I was delighted to talk to motivating people who were doing crazy challenges or huge trail in the Alps... they made me dream! they motivated me to try more things! they made my adventurous side come back to me! and I'm glad they did.

Even if that was a full time job, because the store is open 11 hours a day, I wasn't in there all day every day, and my schedule was perfectly adjusted so I could enjoy a week day off or half a day! I was able to visit my own country, I was able to go swim or in the ocean before work, I was able to party or spend time with my friends!

In a word, I had a good memorable time in France, surrounded with French people! And I would do it again!

The Summer made me younger, but the Fall took it all. That's how I feel now. I've been working and living with people who were younger than I am, who didn't know how old I was, most of them thought I was between 23 to 26 (which still had an impression of old to them... that's the disappointing part)!! Good to know! That was pleasant to talk and hang around with them, it actually made me feel and behave younger. I've been partying reasonably for a summer time (well, not that reasonably a few times but in average that was not that much). And despite 2 great sleepless nights, I found myself a bit older than I thought. But Summer is over, all the young ones went back to school and I am getting older again, looking and interviewing for a job, in a few days back to where I was 3 months ago.

Postcard from France

I was feeling nostalgic today and I wanted to just take my time and wander around alone (try not to escape from my nostalgy nor transmit it to others). I could have gone running and make it go away but I felt like this one needed time, and fortunately I had time, so much time I can even share it with you! Accompanied by a breeze of fresh marine air telling me "come to me, let you go", I walked for hours, camera in one hand, "pain au raisin" in the other, sad musik in my hears (mostly Tom McRae and the Pixies).

Why am I sharing this here you will say, first of all because I haven't posted in a long while and second because I realize something: it's only 2 months after I came back that I realize how much I missed France and what was exactly that I was missing. 

This morning I took great delight in the smell of toasted French bread, the smell of the bakery, the smell of the newspaper kiosk stand, the smell of the coffee place at the train station, the smell of bar and cigarettes, the smell of good cheese... And lately I also got to taste again true vermouth Martinis, mini tiny delicious espresso amazing cheap well cooked meat, and most of it all I got to experience THE OCEAN again. All of the feelings from being on the beaches of the Atlantic in the South of France: from the smell of warm pine trees you get a glimpse of the horizon and then the smell of the air. I thought this year the water was pretty warm and it was really not an issue to throw yourself in the waves (yes, because of waves - and they were kinda big last week - you can't just enter gradually, you literally have to throw yourself in it). Then in the middle of the ocean you get the smell, the touch, the taste and the anger of it! That's what I was missing the most in Toronto, and I got it all here!!

I also love visiting a city and getting lost in its streets. Well, in North America there's no such things as small streets in a star-shaped city. For some reason, Bayonne is just the perfect city for me to get lost in: I can't get my way properly in Bayonne, my internal GPS is completely off . Wherever I want to go implies to  get lost where I didn't expected to: I found it annoying at first, but today I was amazed how bad I could orientate myself in there and that gave me some excitement.

Last thing, before coming back I was saying how I hated french people, how arrogant they were, how judgmental, sad and annoying I found them... well, don't get me wrong I met those kinds of people here, but I also met a whole lot of very nice persons: open-minded, talkative, social, they like to party (especially here in Bayonne there's a huge one called Les Fêtes de Bayonne - I wanted to make it easy by sending you a link to Wikipedia but they don't point out the fact that the maire just gives out the city to the people for these 5 days...)
And most of all, they have some peculiar sense of humor!!! :)

I wasn't inspired for pictures, but here are some that could easily be post-cards pictures: espelette pepper, pepper again, xistera and the ocean.

On non-fiesta day, I wish I could wake up behind these louvers every morning.

I wish you all spent a nice summer.
xoxo

Speaking French in Canada

Let's talk about the confusion that I have about the francophone community in Canada.

First truth: when you think of Canada, you think of a bilingual country. Well, it is, there are people speaking French and there are people speaking English. And they all have learnt both in school. It just that there are historically anglophone cities and francophone cities, and practically, the ones living in an anglophone city, very rarely speak French or just don't speak at all (and vice-versa).

But there is the so called Official bilingualism in Canada that describes the policies, constitutional provisions, and laws that ensure the legal equality of English and French in political and juridic institutions of Canada, protect the linguistic rights of English and French-speaking minorities in different provinces, and ensure a level of government services in both languages across Canada.

I was terribly surprised to see that assuming that bilingualism, a lot of French-speaking people in an anglophone province would get mad if there is no waiter in a restaurant that can speak French. And they would speak French only or just leave for an other one.

I have to admit that before I came to Canada, I had in mind that a lot of people would be perfectly bilingual in every part of the country, but let's face it: how can you expect 34 million people to be fluent in both French and English, especially when a dozen million are immigrants and already speak a non-French, non-English language.

From the census in 2011, 98% of the population speak either English or French, 59.7% (57.8 speak English only) are native in English, and 23.2% are native in French (22.1 speak French only). 17.4% are considered bilingual English/French. Most of the canadian kids receive basic knowledge in French until high-school.

Just to make a point here, neither French nor English are actually native language in Canada, but the numerous aboriginal groups speak a lot of other dialects that are only considered with an official status in the Northern Territories. Most of these dialects have disappeared or will not survive in long term. English and French are spoken languages in Canada only since the 17th century. And I will just remind non-canadians that Canada is presently governed by the Queen of Great Britain, as part of the Commonwealth.

Most of the time Canada-wide firms have a name in English as well as in French, also for their advertisements. This means that I ear or read many French words everyday and most of the time I don't understand what they mean or I laugh so hard from the translation. There are also time when I get angry at the let's-translate-everything conspiracy.

Same on every edible product, everything needs yo be specified in both languages. And that's when it becomes strange and funny. Because there are different French languages spoken in Canada:

- French spoken by immigrants from France (they claim the right to frenchesize every word);
- Quebec French have their own dialect (old French);

- and Francophone outside Quebec (they are taught french French but speak something cruelly different from both French and Quebec French). 

There are pure French minorities in english-speaking regions as well as pure English-speaking communities in Quebec.

In France when you watch an american movie that has been translated in Quebecois French, you always get scared when they say names... they can't hide such a strong american accent that you couldn't hear until then. On the other hand, for the French-speaking community here it is unforgivable to see any English word that is not translated, may the translation be literal and mean something or not. Even better, French movie that made it over the Atlantic have for a title, the litteral French translation of their English title... one example: Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain in France, Amélie in North America. And best example of all: The Hangover in North America became Very Bad Trip in France and Le Lendemain de veille (litterally, the day after the eve) in Quebec. Good struggle when you're looking for a movie at your nearest video store!

But you also have the people from France living in an english-speaking city. What scares me all the time is when they try to speak street names... every rule falls off. For example, a francophone company would write its address in French... I always wonder how the english-speaking mail-delivery man manages to accurately route the mail.

When I first came to Toronto, I had to make orders on the phone... every company as a service in French... but this is Quebecois French... and while the waiting time to get the customer service on the phone was usually shorter, I eventually ended up spending more time than if I had gotten the service in english... just because our French v.s. Quebecois communication was scrambled. And both the customer person and I ended up getting upset because none of us would make an effort to translate in the other language that we would never thought we didn't speak.

I guess it's hard for them to find French speaking people for customer service, so last time I naively asked for Service in French, they got me someone in English accompanied with on a third line, a English/French translator who translated literally every single word I'd say. I kindly declined the service of the translator and managed it myself in English.

There is one point I am confused about, is the claim francophones from Quebec make: they want to protect their culture and their language. And by doing so, they try to keep as much French as possible, and as I have previously stated they go as far as literally translating every single english expression. Just to cite a few: week-end (fin de semaine), snowboard (planche à neige), e-mail (courriel). These ones are ok (correct), but sometimes there is already a word in French to say it, but they had to put the literal translation from English into their vocabulary... and this is where I loose my mind. There IS already a French word to say melon d'eau (watermelon), this is PASTEQUE! There is already a word to say batterie (battery), this is PILE! What is the point? To me this is not protecting their culture, this is creating a new one.

While writing this post I discovered so many more examples listed here: this Wikipedia webpage is a gem! 

Don't take me wrong, this post is not meant to be an offense, neither for French nor English speaking people in Canada, I just try to understand or make a pattern. And I will certainly not feed any pro- or anti-Quebec debate, neither will I speak for or against its pride and independence.
I will say that I love Canada, the mix of cultures, of languages! I am trying so hard to stay here, multilingualism is so stimulating!

And to close that post, I will just notify that to apply for the permanent residency (in Quebec as well as for the the rest of Canada - the Quebec procedure is actually different) I need to pass a test in French that attests of my abilities to speak and write in my own mother tongue... just saying... and hope this will be french French... not some kind of quebeco-francophone dialect!

A few updates.

First, and I can say I did it! I entirely fixed my bike! It's been almost 6months that I wasn't using it anymore (I briefly fixed the old one but it ended up breaking both breaks so I was only walking for a long while). Following advices from the internet and from friends, I changed both break pads, break wires, both inner tubes and the seat! It's all brand new and it's working!

Before 30 I learnt how and fixed my bike! I've asked my dad to teach me the same thing on cars for a long time, but it takes a lot longer and we never found the time to do it for now.

Second, I just wanted to update some of you about the ending of the French elections. François Hollande (left-hand party, socialist) has been elected president. He took is functions on the 15th of May. He has nominated a left-hand government, but they shouldn't settle too much as the legislative elections are in June, to elect the National Assembly.

Third, and to continue on the creative path I've been trying to follow since February, Greg and I were official photographers at a wedding on the 5th of May. It was tiring (from 8:30 am to 4pm), my fingers were sore from continuously carrying the camera, flash, tripod and lenses everywhere. We took 2,400 pictures in total and that was quite and experience! We are not entirely satisfied with the work we've done, as are the newly weds. A few moments were very brief and mostly in a dark room, but we got a bunch of really good shots. We learn by trying, so now we'll be better for the next one (by the way, do you know anyone for the next one?).

And this wedding allowed me to score one more "before 30 thing": take a limo. The newly weds have booked a limo for the bride to ride the few hundred meters from her hotel to the restaurant, and then to drive them home. Because they wanted us to take pictures of them in the limo, we jumped in there! So here we were, visiting Toronto on a busy sunny Saturday afternoon with a loving couple.

Speaking of work, the work permit I was planning in applying for Canada is "sold out" so even if I have already sent a couple of job applications, I need to figure out something. It won't even be my B plan, I think I'm already reaching the E or F one... I won't stay steady, I have a couple of ideas in mind.

I've also been back into training and practicing sport. A knee sleeve, a few stretches and muscle exercices from my physiotherapist apparently helped, since I was able to fully run a 10K. I was a bit disappointed as my Nike GPS is a few hundred meters off and gave me incredibly good results during the run, and I discovered on the finish line that I run the 10K in 52min (my goal was to be below 50min). I haven't trained much and my knee still hurt at Km 7, but I should have been able to run it faster.

Since my knee hasn't entirely recovered and that I understood I need to change my way of running, Greg and I bought these so uncommon Vibram FiveFingers "shoes". We wore them for hiking 3 days in a row this week-end, and they really feel great! You're like a mix between Frodo, Spiderman and Avatar!! I love walking barefoot at home, and these shoes allow me to go barefoot on any surface!

My new goal is to learn to run in these and be able to run the 6K in Paris in September (La Parisienne). I'm still looking for a girl friend to join me!! (sorry guys, this is a female-only run!).

And finally, I experienced for real a north-american sport. It's like this sport that you see in every movie (no, not american football) but that you don't understand the rules (I don't understand the rules of american football anyway), nor why this guy in particular is a national star, while it's a team game... Anyway, we tried baseball... well, not exactly, we played Softball. Explanation for the newbie: this is the baseball rules, on a baseball field, with a baseball bat and a big baseball glove, a bigger (still tough) ball and a few softer rules (since I'm not sure of the rules for neither of them, I encourage that we both google them).

So far I can hit the ball... once every 5 to 10 pitch, and I can catch the ball when it's on the floor... My friends signed me up for a beginner league!!

THE 12 inches glove with the huge, tough ball.

World Turtle Day on May 23rd.

The Torontoist was looking for writers for their daily column, after a lot of hesitation I decided to apply. They asked for a description of who I was and a writing on what could be one of their Urban Post.
I somehow ran into the Ontario Science Center schedule that advertised for their exhibition on World Turtle Day, on May 23rd. I figured that could be part of my write-scientific-articles-for-everyone project (that I haven't yet substantiate by the way). Until today I didn't know there was a World Turtle ay, and I don't have any special love for turtles; one of my friend have turtle phobia, while an other is a big fan of tortoise. Sure, they're cute, and of course it's crucial to care about our environment, but I would have made a similar post if I had known that there was a World Raccoon Day (just googled it and a few people seem to be talking about it... sigh!).

So here is my Urban Planner writing on World Turtle Day:

Urban Planner: May 23, 2012.

Happy World Turtle Day everyone!

I'm still amazed there's a noticeable Day for everything, from International Woman Day (every March 8th) to US National Garlic Day (on April 19th). Anyway, May 23 is THE day to talk about turtles, and for once, not eat them. It is a great occasion to come discover what these strange hard shell animals have in common with their close friends lizards and crocodiles. The Ontario Science Center is featuring an expo on these reptiles for that special occasion!

Turtles have long been hunted for their eggs and flesh (which remain delicacies in Asia). But, while we instinctively think of turtle as endangered species, a lot others are more invasive than endangered. Most sea turtles are critically endangered, because of over fishing and also because they are trapped in fishing nets or because they are destroyed by heavy engines cleaning our coasts, the land turtles are less endangered, especially that cute little Red-eared slider that you neighbor cherishes as a pet, that doesn't want to die and that he can't trow in the pond behind your house or this thing will grow crazy and jeopardize every single other aquatic species in the neighborhood. 

There are a dozen of endemic turtoise species in Canada: most of them are mud and pond turtles but a few of them are also sea turtles. It appears that the largest of all living sea turtle – Leatherback sea turtle – also wet on our shores, in Quebec, New-Foundland and Labrador some time of the year. They cross the Atlantic ocean in a few days to get food. Their face is a love or hate scenario but you should be thankful because their almost sole source of food are jellyfish. They clean the ocean so you can safely swim in during the summer! Problem is, they can mispicture a plastic bag for a jellyfish and die from plastic bag ingestion.

Eventhough it can grow up to 3 meters  for 800 kg, and live for a few decades, this is a Critically Endangered species. They can't breathe under water, but they can dive for about an hour. They have that reputation of being very slow on land, but in water they can swim at a cruise speed of 3 meters per second (which is the pace of an average runner). 

This big sea turtle nests a hundred eggs in the sand at night, and then leave right away. They orientate toward their nesting place with the moonlight and artificial light can compromise their clutch as they will nest on land and not on the beach. The eggs hatch a few 16 to 17 days later, giving a 3 inches big turtle barely able to make it down the beach to the ocean. The temperature in which the egg has developed determines whether the egg becomes a male or female turtle. Until they are a few months they remain an easy prey and only 15% of the clutch makes it to adult.

On May 23, at the Ontario Science Center, you will learn all about Ontario's turtles and where to see the endemic species. You will participate in saving endangered turtles lives through being taught everything about their disappearing habitats around the world and discover how you can help protect them. Awareness is the first step for a sustainable world.

And while you're at the Ontario Science Center check this out: you've always wanted to be part of a scientific project? make science discovery happen? get research go faster? Take this opportunity while you're at the Ontario Science Center in participating in the Research Live project!

Which post I would probably have accompanied with a picture like this one: http://www.flickr.com/photos/westbound/3888089606/

April Fimo projects.

I spent the last two weeks doing paperwork, arranging for the wedding photography work and doing fimo! Thank you Natasha for that great entire day playing with fimo and thank you Julie for introducing and teaching me the technics.

This time it will be a post with more pictures than text. All about polymer clay projects. 

First of all, big beads, made around aluminium foil. This was my first attempt in making beads with aluminium balls and with the cat wanting to play with them that didn't help in making them perfectly round. 

I also wanted to diversify in my macaroons collection, so this time they are smaller and 2 or 3 attached together. Since I don't wear earrings, I have no idea if they are heavy or not. Anyone wants to try they on?

Plus, a couple of tries with different technics, using sugar, aluminium foil and also eye shadow and stamp. 

My plan was to make flowers with polymer clay, and I'm quite happy with my rose. I will have to make it in different color gradients and make other shapes.

I said I would not do any figurine, but I ended up making these octopuses using different technics. I really like how they look like but they are so fragile.

The octopuses were a present for my boyfriend, who liked them so much he told me he wanted to try and make some more. So we ended up spending an entire Sunday afternoon making these 6 animals for the newborn of two friends of us. They were then put together as a mobile sculpture to hang in the baby's room. 

I'm happy with what I have produced so far with fimo, but I'd like you to tell me what you really think of it, which item you like and which ones you don't; which you would probably wear or expose at home, and which ones you won't. That will help me a lot! Thanks in advance.

Birthday cake pops

Today, my man has turned 30.

As a birthday cake I tried to make these very good birthday cake pop as we tasted them at Starbucks. Before you go any further, just keep in mind that they were unfortunately not as good as the ones you can buy, but it's just a matter of time until they become perfect! 

So it all started with a burnt, too dry and too flat cake. It didn't bode no good. But well, that's part of the recipe. You bake a cake and then you crumble it into piece to make several others, that's an idea!

Once I thoroughly discarded the burnt crust, the other fun part was making the cake crumbles. It's quite easy with hard, dry cookies, but it's very different with a semi-dry, soft cake. What a pain, any advice for next time?

Then you mix the cake crumbles with some kind of frosting. It was recommended a cream-cheese based frosting. For those who know my dear love, you'll know he absolutely doesn't eat anything that has some kind of cheese or cream in it (cream cheese is just the worst thing you could give him to eat). So I bought the recommended one and an other one ("whipped cream flavor" I thing). At the end they're just exactly the same in ingredients... Indecision taken, I would use them both, mixed half/half. It smells marshmallow, but would certainly compensate for my too dry too baked original cake.

Something I noticed in north-american desserts, is that whatever the savor, what matters the most is that they must look nice, colorful, like you spent much more time hiding the imperfection of the taste in decorations, than actually taking care of making it good. Cookies, cupcakes, birthday cakes with so much frosting you can't even tell what's underneath.

Anyway, my birthday pops were not as good as the ones they were supposed to mimic, but at least they looked like a north-american birthday cake. And for the record, the decoration part is actually the longest part of the recipe, I'm not a big fan of north-american desserts.

So now, there we are: colorful cakes, a few dozen candles blown and he is 30.

Downtime

What is downtime? In a working environment this is the time when a machine is not working. If I carefully listen to what my IT manager tells me, this is the moment you want the less to happen as all your co-workers need an electric or internet access. Productivity is reduced if they're not connected even for a short period of time.

What if that was the opposite in your private life? What if that unconnected downtime made your mind more productive? 

I read that article yesterday on "The death of downtime", and I figured that May 1rst would be a good day to write about downtime. For the north-american readers, I will just precise that May 1rst is supposed to be the International Workers' Day, or Labour Day, well, it is in 'the rest of the world' basically. So yes, I think Labour day is the day to think about downtime as it is an official holiday for a large part of the world. Although Labour Day has originally been created to celebrate workers and protest for their rights, most of us use it as a day off, without caring about the socialist/communists/anarchists/proletarian (...) riots and demonstrations. They just use it to take time for themselves, even-though I'm not sure we can consider it downtime. Most of the time May 1rst would be part of a long-awaited and planned long week-end, where you drive to the other side of your country and discover this large and gorgeous national park you've always dreamt of visiting. Or in France you would sell Lily of the Valley on the side walk. I have to admit (for having done that once) that this actually gives you a lot of downtime. Anyway, let's use the opportunity of May 1rst to think about downtime.

The guy in the article, wrote that we "likely suffer from some form of acute downtime deficiency". Apparently we don't have enough time down. But what is it? Does that mean lying on the coach with popcorn? Is that like dreaming? Is that watching a stupid chick-flick movie? Is that spending a good hour outside, just hanging out with friends? Is that running twice a week with radio in your earphones?

We tempt to deprive ourselves from opportunity of total disconnection. Is that because time is money, is that because we are afraid of loosing an opportunity to do something while just taking the time of thinking about nothing? We need interaction with others, interaction with something, anything. We need to know what other people are doing at one moment, we need to know what other people think of what we are doing at that same moment, how well our tweet has been received and re-tweeted, if our work has been appreciated, if one of our colleagues is thinking of work while you seem to be enjoying a fresh air breathe on a sunny Saturday, we need to know what people think of the pictures we've been posting lately, or who will respond to my post. We play sudoku for 2 minutes while waiting for the metro, we eat in front of our computer or while watching TV... Besides the fact that we probably take less time to talk with each other, I think we also take less time to listen to our thoughts and think about them (think about thoughts... what a crazy idea). It's like it's not acceptable or socially immoral to actually not do anything for a few minutes.
We like to be busy, or look busy, but we also like to be distracted (I know I do, simply in writing that post, I think I checked my e-mails a dozen times, and the worst part is, I don't even wait for e-mail to come, it's just the pleasure of switching to one demanding thing to an other, much less). But in my opinion procrastination has nothing to do with downtime.

But then, is that like dreaming? is that what meditation is about? Is that like we need downtime to be creative, as kids need to dream to develop their brain? Do we need our downtime to be productive? Does allowing our brain to rest would make it think better? or is that the opposite? It's while not thinking of a certain problem that its solution presents itself. I think that we have less and less  downtime, and that makes us have some weird and clever revelations while in the shower or while brushing our teeth. That moment when you do mundane repetitive actions that allows you to do nothing else but let your brain wander in creativity.
As well as I found articles recommending unplugging (computer, phone, music...), or taking a daily dose of deep thinking to protect that state of no-intent, I also found articles advocating for turning up our downtime. Isn't it contradictory to speak about exploiting our downtime?

Why don't we try sipping a cup of our favorite drink on a sunny patio on a morning, just watching pedestrians on the streets, walking their dogs, and that amazing tree blossoming? I would say sit down and focus on anything, while I should probably say blur on nothing.
Sure, this sounds boring but it won't be long until your mind comes up with something unexpected, totally unrelated to that moment. Just let your mind go. If you've ever tried to meditate (just a savasana at the end of a yoga class and you'll know what I mean) you know how hard it is to be an empty mind (I can predict a few who would tell me they've already meet empty minds...), instead you feel like there is a flood of thoughts that parade one by one (sometimes even one shortcutting the others, mixing themselves) and you wish you could get rid of them, until one of them seems worth memorizing, you just can't keep it. I think it's because we don't take the time to listen to our thoughts, nurture them from the moment they arise, watch them growing and finally decide on what to do with them. So they remain idea runts, they tried to rise up at an inopportune moment and we shut them down, and they run limp away.
Downtime is good, but don't mis-use it and don't overuse it, don't even try to purposely use it, just allow it to happen.

I know, you are gonna say that that's easy for me to find downtime because I'm not working right now, and you would probably be true. I appreciate the time right now because I can let my mind be creative and let it freely open. And that allows me to do a lot of things I would have probably not done if I wasn't free from work.
I think that's what I needed right now. A "creative pause" just take the time to do nothing, or do something, unrelated to work, science, go back to enjoying doing things not in a rush because it's sunday evening and you know that you would probably not be able to work on that project again until the next week-end, when you will already have forgotten this idea that briefly flourished in your head.

Ageing.

When I wear makeup people say either that I look older, or that I look like a ballerina: not sure what's best. And when I don't wear any and tie my hair the most rapid way, I tend to look like just I barely passed voting age. 

This had to change! Not that I want to look older, but I want to look like a woman, not just like a student (which I'm not anymore, and had a lot of advantages when going to the cinema of visiting a museum).

First of all I was barely able to put on makeup. Yeah, I know, nobody taught me and honestly watching at videos online didn't really help (have you ever tried putting on a straight line of eyeliner while watching a video and trying to stop that damn video because she's already putting on lipstick while you're still struggling on your eyes?). Let's call that technical problems. 

Other despairing fact, I just didn't have time. But now I have time to learn and practice.

That's how I got to these short courses to improve my 'personal image' (that's how it's called, I didn't invent anything like that myself ;). That was all about make-up and colours, and that was awesome! If you're in Bordeaux, I highly recommend you go see Laura. 

I won't say I can put on make-up perfectly and quickly now, but at least in theory I know how to look more natural while still wearing make-up! It's only a matter of colours!

Anyway, ageing. As I see friends around me getting married, buying houses, having kids... (yeah, usually in that order) I now acknowledge that we are getting older even before I could realize it. My boyfriend is blowing his 30th candles in 5 days now, and even if we don't really care about age, I can see this is embarrassing him a little. The fact that I'm writing that blog about all the things I would want to do before I'm 30 probably also mean I unconsciously care.

This is now the time when big screen movie actors are about my age, and that TV show ones tend to be slightly younger... We still have a bit of time until we can get scared we get in the age of presidential candidates, but we'll have to make sure they don't get younger over time.

About presidential candidates, I also wanted to update my dear non-french friends that didn't seem that concerned by our election time on the french presidential elections. Well, I understand, politics can be both boring and tabou. Anyway, 80% of the population voted on April 22nd! 1.92% of the votes have been considered spoilt or null votes. François Hollande got 28.63% of the votes, Nicolas Sarkozy 27.18%, Marine Le Pen 17.90% (just click on the link to have a scary view at the picture), Jean-Luc Melenchon 11.10%, François Bayrou 9.13%, Eva Joly 2.31%, Nicolas Dupont-Aignan 1.79%, Philippe Poutou 1.15%, Nathalie Arthaud 0.56% and Jacques Cheminade 0.25%. Hollande and Sarkozy are now trying to seduce everyone that kinda is on their political side, and by that I only mean left and right. I find that seduction part really gross and ridiculous, as they try to make people that obviously don't think like them, believe that they can be part of their "new" program. Really strange things happen here that can no more be called seduction but more political prostitution. It sounds like the parliamentary elections are gonna be as 'fun' as the presidential ones!

This link above (on Nicolas Sarkozy) as well as this one actually deserve a closer look. Sorry, these are from the only english source I could find.

Now let's make a teaser of what's gonna happen next in that blog... 

First of all, things didn't go the way I planned them when I came back to Toronto. The woman at the immigration was hard to convinced that I could support myself for 3 months so she gave me a tourist permit that expires exactly on July 4th and by that date I have to have left the country and officially came say good by to her at the immigration service. That compromises a little the rest of my plans as I now either have to find a job really quick in Toronto, ask for a work permit and stay in Canada, or leave the country for an unknown amount of time, as next time, that charming lady at the immigration office is gonna send me right back to France without even taking the time to know me. Which means I'm looking for a job right now... well, I am looking but let say I will truly start around May 15th as I have other plans for now. 

But you'll be asking, what are you doing right now?

I am back in the training process, unfortunately not for the NY marathon, as they didn't pick my name in the draw, but for my own sake and for probably a run or two during the spring/summer. 

And I'm doing a lot of Fimo stuff... that you'll see in a coming post. 

I've also been reviewing my own articles... My PhD paper has finally come back from review and is ready to be re-submitted pretty soon! The paper from my collaboration in Toronto has also been submitted... To be continued!

And because I don't know where I'm gonna be in 2 months, I cannot really plan any other thing like hiking on the Kilimanjaro or camping in Hawaii or even less, that trip to Vancouver and Banff that we've been talking about for a while. 

For now, I'm actively preparing for a special long day: May 5th, as this is the wedding day of dear friends of us in Toronto, but also that wedding where we are official wedding photographers! They were hard to convinced (still are a bit dubious I think), but now that the contract is signed I'm getting nervous. Do we really have the capabilities for that? Are we gonna be able to take nice pictures under pressure? The ceremony only lasts 15min, the shooting time with friends and family plus the newly weds alone only 45min, it's in the middle of Toronto in a busy district and this is a wedding! You can't mess up photography at a wedding, that's supposed to be the most beautiful day of their life, they planned it for so long and they won't probably do it again. I am both really excited, and panicked! Anyway, I'm studying to be a better photographer that day. There is probably gonna be a post about how we performed that day.

I'm learning from that book.

Exercise my right to vote.

Before I'm 30, and for the third time now, I have the right to elect the new (or not since our actual president is offering his service for an other 5 years if the french population still wants of him) french president.

There are 10 days left until the first round. As I am in Canada, I choose and I trust my mom to put the appropriate paper in the urn on voting day. I was in Canada when the presidential campaign started and I have to admit that I didn't follow carefully what happened then. Well, when I ask people around me they all either tell that nothing memorable happened, or that they just played fool around and with each other... what a great instructive time I missed! Anyway, I had just a couple of weeks to make my decision, the first round is on the 22nd of April. There are 10 presidential candidates.

I followed a bit the designation of these candidates and they gave a lot of details about the 500 signatures that they have to gather to be candidate. There are almost 37,000 town in France which the maire is able to give his signature to one candidate. It is not anonymous, although it has been requested to become anonymous. On the 22nd of April, if a candidate gets more than 50% of the votes he/she is elected right away, if none gets 50% (never happened since it was established in 1962) then the two candidates with the highest percentage fight for a second round. Whoever wins the second round is the french president for 5 years. Before 1962 the french president was elected by the Parliament.

Here is an instructive view of left and right hand side political ideas.

Taken from landofthefreeish.com.

There are 10 candidates.
Now who are they? I'll describe them in alphabetical order, to be fair (they usually appear in order of popularity in the media, but this honestly changes everyday and depends on the source). And I'll describe them in three ways:

1/ their private life (I was tempted to say "north-american way");

2/ the political way (I won't say the european-way because it would be incorrect, but you get the idea);

3/ quick description of what captured my mind when I watched their campaign video. I'll be the average french person, that has at least once heard the candidates on TV, has an idea of what Equality, Liberty and Fraternity means, and I would have loved to get a deeper look into the booklet they provide a few weeks before the elections, but I'll stick with the video clips, as they were not in my mailbox the day I flew back to Toronto. It's very hard to be objective watching their clip, because the videos are not produced with the same budget and do not reflect the same idea. The form as well as the content makes a huge difference, but one think they all agree on is the word TALENT or GENIUS and also EFFORTS: these will solve all of the french problems, the people talents are gonna be used extensively, they really have a great way of making us feel appreciated! They also share (in speech anyway) the same big direction for when they'll become president: work on production, economy and education. I think this clip is both good advertisement and dangerous to them because everybody knows they prepared a lot for these few minutes in direct talk to the people, but they have to be very careful into what they say and how they say it. I personally think most of them did a pretty good job.

Nathalie Arthaud. 1/ 42, she is an economy and management teacher.

2/ Candidate for Lutte Ouvrière (Worker's Struggle), she is spokesman of that party after Arlette Laguiller (she has been candidate for the presidential elections every time since 1974). 

3/ In her video clip she speaks to the workers and to "everyone whose activity is usefull for our society" (seriously?). She recites with very good facial expressions a long-winded speech on shareholders and all the money they gather just sitting there and twiddling their thumbs. She denounces unemployment as being an arm of blackmailing used by bosses to make workers accept their working conditions and low salaries. Her first battle is against unemployment.  

François Bayrou. 1/ 60, married for 31 years, he has 6 children and a few grand-children. He studied literature and wrote a couple of History and politic books.

2/ leader of the MODEM (Democrat Movement); which is considered a right-hand/centre party, clearly separated from the UMP in 2007. He has been multiple times deputy and head of governmental department of Education. During the last presidential elections in 2007 he was third on the first round with 18.57%.

3/ In his clip, he says "US" and speaks about getting out of the country depts. His solution to the education and unemployment problem: make kids like school. He wants to "moralize public life, so we can all be proud". And to conclude his speech, with him we'll find back HOPE. Hope? Seriously?

Jacques Cheminade. 1/ 70, he was born in Argentina, he is both French and Argentinian. I couldn't find much on his private life.

2/ Leader of the left-hand Gaullist party Solidarity and Progress. He was candidate to the presidential elections in 1995, where he collected 0.27% of all the votes. His party claims that the best thing for France is to be out of the European Union, out of the Euro zone, out of the IMF and of NATO. In his program he describes his will to colonize the Moon and Mars.

3/ In his very short video he shows an old interview of himself from 1995 saying he saw the economy crisis coming, and no-one believed him. After what he says he is not vain. He wants "us to fight for this politics and, the rest is just like chatting on the deck of the Titanic, sailing towards the iceberg."

Nicolas Dupont-Aignan. 1/ 51, married, he has two daughters. 

2/ He studied politics and is a long time activist of the right hand party, he left the UMP party in 2007. Leader of Stand Up Republic (Debout Republique), a right hand side party with republican gaullist ideas, against capitalism and for total independence of France.

3/ His difference from the democrats: he has always believed in Charles de Gaulle's ideas. "The governments fake in governing, they have abandoned the power, they gave it to Bruxelles (Europe), to the financial markets". The european treaties are the origin of our decline. "Either we align our salaries to human slavery in China, or we apply a smart protectionism against the countries that do not respect the rules." He finishes with a metaphor: "Today we may be smaller than the others but our tree is growing straighter than others and he is rooted in the freedom of our country." (it reminds me of my childhood, that day when we celebrated the republic by planting a tree of liberty, wearing the french rosette).

Democracy should serve general interest.

François Hollande. 1/ 57, he has a sad long face (Snoopy like), he has been elected candidate of the socialist party this year because Dominic Strauss Kahn screwed up big time in May and this time François' ex-girlfriend has not been more popular than him (Ségolène, whom he had 4 kids with, lost against Nicolas 5 years ago at the second round).

2/ Lawyer, he joined the PS (Socialist Party) in 1979, and has been maire, deputy and first secretary of the left hand party. He still defends the PS' colors today. He has been elected to conduct the PS' elections against Martine Aubry.

3/ In his video, there are all the facettes of France that scroll during his speech. You mostly see french people, our trumps, our talents, our troubles. You only see him briefly screaming his goals at a meeting, for "The France of Transformation!".

Eva Joly. 1/ 68, she looks old (white hair, wrinkles), a bit hippy (white messy hair), she is a strong ecofriendly militant. She was born both Norvegian (at 18 she was elected third rank to Miss Norway) and French. Married to a medical doctor (who took his life in 2001), she has 2 kids, made law school and politics studies.

2/ As a judge, in France and then back in Norway and in Iceland, she fought against corruption. She has been elected (against Nicolas Hulot, a popular TV show presenter) leader of the Green party to be their candidate for this year election. She is more of a democrat.

3/ So cute... she writes a letter to "Her dear France": "Dear France, for 5 years now I'm hurt seeing you disfigured from division, damaged from lies and corruption, threatened from pollutions that destroy our health." Ecology is the answer to everything: economy crisis, environmental crisis, unemployment and the country unity. Europe is the future, she proposes new treaties to build it federal and solidary.

Marine Le Pen. 1/ 43, married and divorced twice, she has 3 kids from her first marriage. Her boyfriend is now also a high person in the FN (Front National) party.

2/ Lawyer, she has always been a strong figure in the FN party, extreme right party, founded in 1972 by her father Jean-Marie Le Pen. He has been candidate to the french presidency in 1974, 1988, 1995, 2002 (he goes to the second round that year) and 2007. She has been elected as European deputy in 2004 and again in 2009. She barely made to the 500 signatures, and she wants french to be the new international scientific language. She is pro-life, pro-family, anti-immigration.

3/ In her clip, she has the tone of an evangelist minister on Easter day, joyful and come to announce the holly words. She mostly criticize vehemently the other candidates and how they allowed France to decay inside Europe: she wants a french Europe. With her, France would leave NATO, the military service would be back to mandatory for both boys and girls and the french flag would float all the time on every public building. 

While she speaks about a coming back of pride, Mélenchon talks about a coming back of dignity. 

Jean-Luc Mélenchon. 1/ 60, he was born in what used to be a french protectorate in Morocco. Married and divorced once, he has a daughter. He has a bachelor in philosophy, but has practiced a multiple of different jobs from drawer in a catholic journal, to teacher or journalist.

2/ Leader of the Left Front. He used to belong to the left hand side of the socialist party, that he left in 2008 to avoid having to make concessions with the the democrats. He is a european deputy since 2009. A lot of non Left Front anti-liberal fans support his candidature. 

3/ He goes directly with numbers. He will raise the minimum salary from 1,097 to 1,700€ and make the highest salary in a compagnie no more than 20 times the lowest salary, with a maximum of 360,000€. He is for the split of richness: "there is money, we just need to make it serving all". "Take the power, vote Jean-Luc Mélenchon."

Philippe Poutou. 1/ 45, without any diploma he has works in a couple of different precarious jobs. He now works in a car factory Ford.

2/ He has long been an activist in the Worker's Struggle party, from which he got expelled in 1995 for difference of political opinion. Him and a fraction of Worker's Struggle party joined the LCR Ligue Communiste Révolutionnaire (Revolutionary Communist League) party. This party became the New Anticapitalist party in 2009. After Olivier Besancenot (who got 4.08% of the votes in 2007), Poutou was elected new presidential candidate of the extreme left party. 

3/ In his video you can see him walking in a riot, supporting a strike. He criticizes UMP and PS parties. He wants to enforce a different distribution of wealth and challenge the power of capitalism on our economy. His catchword: "Against Sarkozy, not trusting Hollande."

Nicolas Sarkozy. 1/ 57, he is small, dark hairs, his ancestors were hungarian. He has 4 kids from 3 different wives, and he is currently married to a 44 years old italian singer/model with whom he just got a little girl Giulia. He is a runner (sometimes he faints and the whole country wavers) and the french president since May 2007.

2/ Leader of the right hand party UMP (Union for the Popular Movement), he is a republican. He is the actual leader of our nation, but as is it must be difficult for him to justify his candidature in the middle of the crisis he saw happening. He cannot criticize his own actions and he cannot say he is the candidate making a change.

3/ In his video, we see Nicolas, speaking, but also converse publicly with his fellow citizens. It's a rare video I see Sarkozy talk slowly and carefully, his words are weighted. He still has a few punctuation problems, but overall he speaks like a politician (that's noticeable even more that it's not always the case), but he speaks so much that you don't listen at the end, it's slow and smooth, no picture, just reciting his carefully written and read text, you almost feel asleep. He says he is creating a strong France, he needs US to build it.

I did not detailed deeply the way they say they'll use to achieve their purpose once elected, you would have seen some raising the income taxes, others reducing them... deport (or not) immigrants and a few reforms in the education program or in the retirement plans. Plus, once elected, the french people has to vote for the National Assembly of France. The president doesn't have all the rights in terms of making decisions, but he can participate, and provide ideas ;)

Because there are only 10 days left, the candidates keep repeating their programs again and again, and they keep throwing a wrench in each other's work, the media do not have much interesting things to write about, so they find unusual ways of describing the candidates. I found a psychological analysis of the 6 main candidates. How about that? they find embarrassing that certain candidates do not have any rage, ambition or hierarchic domination envy, they find disturbing that others are remarkably calm in public, but a complex mind seems to suit whoever did this psychological analysis, he wants disturbed feelings and tortured thoughts. The optimal candidate need to make people dream... I don't think we're there today, at least most of the population doesn't want to dream, they just want to see problem solved! Our shrink wants charisma, I think I just want good presentation. And most of all, that makes me sick (got to be cautious when I say that, last time I really got sick...) when they talk about their family history to explain the candidate's way of exposing himself into the election process.

And today, they were asked about their favourite TV show... Is that supposed to make me feel good that Sarkozy likes to watch Dexter? That Sarkozy and Hollande spend their Saturday evening watching The Voice (french version)? what shall I think about Bayrou loving horses shows? or should that scare me that Mélenchon confesses he doesn't have much time to watch TV?

You can also search at home and guess from this study if you are more of a right or of a left hand kind of guy, what brand has more of a socialist or a democrat image?

At the end of that post, I have to admit that I learnt a lot writing it! I still think my choice is done, but if I could take a bit of one and instill it into an other, or mix a couple of them together, I think I would be more satisfied. But we only get to choose one! well, maybe two if the one we vote for on the first round doesn't make it to the second round... in that case, either you have to follow your guts, whatever they tell you, or you can follow what your first choice candidate would want you to vote for. We're not there yet, let's just see what happens!
If you feel like it, do not hesitate to give me your opinion on who you would vote for, and why. Or why not. I have a few friends that make me feel that us, poor people who don't understand much in politics, should rather not vote. Should we go back to an indirect presidential election?

And, most of all, if you want to give additional informations on the candidates, please do so! I certainly did a very quick job here, I'm sure they deserve a lot more of attention.

Digging into the past.

These are weird thing as memories. I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine before going back to France, about what a memory is (by the way, you should write a blog Thom because you are knowledgable and every time I speak with you I fell wiser, otherwise I'll be the one posting about your interesting ideas).

Memory is subjective, it's imagination, it's the idea, the feeling that you (and only yourself) had at a specific moment, in a special place, in unusual circumstances. To me, the best example is that picture of you climbing that mountain when you were 3. Do you remember being there? Do you remember how much you swear because it was hard to climb? Or do you just remember the picture, the story that you've build around it. That picture that you've seen so many times, you don't remember if you have a memory of the picture itself or of the moment it represent.  You end up merging imagination with a bunch of memories to reality.

Anyway, this is now a good time for me to write a post on memories as I have my head and hands into my childhood bedroom and closet: I'm literally digging into my past. I was expecting it to be in some kind of chronological order, but this is just random and would confuse any archeologist. It's unbelievable the things you can find in there. From dairy, love letters to pictures, old books, old toys... I love being in that stage where I go across what used to be your life: it's both sad and joyful.

First thing I found, my medals! I used to make gymnastic competitions when I was in 7th and 8th grade. I also used to love that pink jersey ;) Well, I remember very well that part, especially every morning and night when my back hurts. But I love that sport!

To describe the scene, this is in the middle of piles of perfume adds (I was addicted to advertisements... not perfume) that I found pictures of baby me, of me doing gymnastic, of my old friends. All these pictures where I was 10kg bigger (most of it was in my cheeks I think). I was a different person. I went trough pictures from a trip in Italy in 2003 with 5 high-school friends and that reminded me of that Truth/Action game we played on night, where one of the guy told me that I didn't have any sex-appeal... At that time he didn't even break my heart because I had no idea of what that meant :s

It has also been a long, painful and thoughtful moment when I went across two of my dearest old friends pictures and letters. In Eat, Pray and Love, she (Elizabeth Gilbert) calls them Soulmates. These persons that just happened to be in your way, at one point of your life. You share something incredible with them, and they give you something you really needed at that moment, and then disappear (they just continue their own life in a dimension that doesn't include yours anymore). I found them being more and more selfish, cruel to me. Them going away she says, hurts you a lot and makes you feel empty. That's how I felt at that time, and even 10 years after, I still have this emptiness when I think of them (you don't need names, you get the idea, and I'm sure you got your own). Loosing them made me both weaker and stronger. I'm not sure of what I'll do in the case where I met them again. I got so much love, then so much hate against them, that I hope now disinterest is my state towards them. I keep thinking they'll probably be sad I didn't become the person they'd wish I became, but on the other hand I'm happy and I don't really care. But me getting back into these letters and pictures of what used to be those I used to love, was a great step as I realize I would not love them as much today. I've changed but I kept thinking of the good part of them. Now it's ok, I understand why they are gone, and that's for good.

Anyway, they participated in who I am right now, and I'm thankful for that. One of them brought me a strong friendship, spirituality and simplicity, when I was confused. The other one brought me fantasy, utopia, nonconformity, too much love and a bit of craziness. They gave me my hint of philosophy and my love for writing. 

I don't know if they left because I took the best of them to evolve myself or if I just unconsciously let them go because I didn't need them anymore. Anyway, sometimes I realize that I do things because they once lead me on that path.I don't know what I brought to them but I bet you they have a very different memory of that time, compare to how I remember it!

In the middle of my high-school textbooks, I also find music CD! Do you remember Boyzone? These 5 irish guys, in the mid 90's? So gooood (hurm, only one or two songs... this is too girly/teenager/soapy to me now)! But listening to them this afternoon brought very good memories, my first travels, my first love, my bitchy friends... and helped diluting this out. It was delightful to hear that boys-band music to clean up your old bedroom and hidden memories! Of course you remember the lyrics by heart... :s even 17 years after! "Let start a brand new story now!" so they say!

But I need to get my head out of all this old-scary-me world, it's gonna make me sick. Time to move on, and come back to Toronto!

And just to improve your french and the idea of what it was to grow up in the 90's:

Bref j'ai grandi dans les années 90.