Family time.

I always had trouble getting along with my parents, probably because I'm an only child, probably because of many other reasons that I am not fully aware of. And I knew that getting back to their place for a whole month was gonna be challenging. But I think I need to understand them, understand their fear, their troubles and have an idea of what made them like that. It's been 3 days and it's already challenging. We don't have the same life style, we don't enjoy doing the same things and they freak out every time I plan to do something.

But since I stay at their place and I haven't seen them for a while, I think I need to make a bit of an effort.

My mom is always singing (well, only 5notes, always in the same order, the kind of sad rhythm that stays in your head and that is supposed to calm her down). My dad is always talking, about everything, well mostly the things he really likes and the things he hates. And they both spend a lot of time criticizing. It may be about raising kids or baking simple cakes, that's the same, they would have done it differently and they make you know! They also make sure they tell you that this glass or this wire is very fragile and that you have to pay attention while using it... as if I had no idea something could be fragile (I'm sure they still have doubts if they should give me a wine glass or a plastic one... - what? you drink wine? no way!).

I have this feeling that I am back to being a teenager. And I must say, the 3 of us didn't enjoy that much my teenager time. We couldn't understand each other and at the end I'm not really sure we wanted to. They just intend to make sure I didn't become a junkie, while I honestly didn't have any intention of becoming one (but they never ever understood that point). So I couldn't listen to pop-rock music (well, that's just the softest example, anything else than classical music they didn't like and of course was synonym of me becoming a junkie). I wasn't allowed to go to my friends' place because they couldn't watch what I was doing there, I couldn't take the bus home because you never know who you can accidentally meet in the bus and I wasn't able to go to my friends' party because of course they were gonna smoke, drink and take crack. And that... until I turned 18. When I turned 18, I had my driver's license, my Baccalauréat and I purposely chose to move to Pau, 200Km away, for my studies. These 2 years in Pau were the best ever! And guess what, I didn't become a junkie!! but you can imagine how much I now have to discover in terms of music and movies...

I'm still not sure of what they think about me becoming a junkie, maybe they got over it... maybe not. I don't quite listen to them when it comes to my way of living (my dad is now convinced that I converted myself to buddhism because I practice yoga), like I did before. But they now realize that we got far apart from each-other. We don't have that much in common. And worse of all for them, they taught me so hard not to show my fears, not to show my tears or my feelings, that I am completely incapable of having some kind of human relationship with them. For me, their worst problem is trust; they don't trust anything nor anyone. And the fact that they don't trust me, and over time this lack of trust has become a huge issue in our relationship.

Anyhow, I have the feeling that before I turn 30 (my dad is being 70 this year), I should take this opportunity to make it change. I should try to understand them, and tell them what I think, not just run away. 

Yesterday, it was 21°C, a bright sunshiny day, so I proposed to go on a bike ride. My dad loves cycling and skiing and could talk about it for days. Because it was winter they hadn't biked for a few months (my dad drags my mom for some bike ride, to make her exercise) and I figured it would be good for me too since my knee still hurt when I run.

That would also give me the opportunity to take some pictures of that region I grew up in and that I particularly love. We biked for 50Km, in the pine tree forest (Les Landes), along the dunes, seeing sometimes the ocean. They couldn't stop behaving themselves, but at least we got a few minutes of calm, fresh air, exercise and time together.

And while I was up there on my teenager yellow bike, in my beloved Landes, I thought of things I would like to do before I'm 30: kite-surfing and base-jumping.